A young woman cornered me in the hall today while between classes. Although she looked very young it appeared that she had 3 small children under the age of 5. She began by telling me what a wonderful man her husband was and then added that even though she knows that he is faithful to her, at times she flips into the Green Eyed Monster if she sees him in the vicinity of a woman.
Intellectually she understands that he has done nothing wrong, but emotionally she feels terrified that he will eventually see another woman and then leave her. She wanted to know how she can learn how to trust people.
I realized that in the few seconds we had in the hallway there was no magic answer I could offer that would bring her the peace that she desired. What I did say was this - I told her that irrational jealousy (the kind that is not based on fact but on emotion alone) has nothing to do with trusting one's spouse. I told her that in fact this type of jealousy is rooted in her negative feelings about herself, and her belief that she wasn't good enough or pretty enough or wife enough for him - or any man. Deep down She had great difficulty loving herself and so it was very difficult for her to understand how anyone else could love her.
So she was creating a dialog in her mind that told her that one of these days he will discover just how worthless she is and then he will go off with a real woman. She doesn't trust herself enough to believe that she can be a good enough person for this man who is so loving, spiritual and wonderful - surely she didn't truly deserve him right?
Tears rose in her eyes and she looked at me clearly and said "So it is me isn't it? I'm the one who needs to work this out." "Yes" I said gently. And that doesn't mean that there is something defective in you. Most young women go through periods in their life when they feel insecure and jealous. But you are way ahead of them because you have the desire to figure out what's wrong so you can change it before it becomes a problem."
I told her that even I had tangled with the Green Eyed Monster as a young bride, and that I successfully overcame it, and so could she. She smiled and seemed to feel great relief. She had a new understanding and a goal to work toward, and most of all she was motivated by the love of her family and her desire to love herself; and to make this change a priority in her life.
Before one can change a problem, we first have to recognize that there is a problem. Once we realize there is a problem we need to have the courage to deal with it and replace it with something positive that will enrich our life.
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Friday
Post Traumatic Stress and the Media
Post Traumatic Stress disorder or PTSD is a very real and very curable problem. Anyone, even an infant can acquire symptoms of PTSD upon experiencing a serious trauma.
When my brother first saw the movie "Forest Gump" he nearly hit the floor during the scenes about Vietnam. Not because of the film, but because of the realistic sounds of the gunfire. It had been decades since he was in Vietnam but the piercing sound of gunfire that seemed to be coming from behind the movie viewers was enough to take him back to fright-filled days at war.
In today's world of 24/7 news coverage of terrorism, war and crime, it is even possible for someone to develop PTSD by immersing themselves in videos and newscasts about an event in which they had no actual involvement. This was made clear to clinicians after 911, and again during the Virginia Tech shootings.
After the Virginia Tech shootings however the process of developing PTSD was more widely understood, and after a few days nearly all of the footage was taken off the air. For those who had already watched hours of video, and who were already at risk for PTSD, it was too late.
Children are particularly at risk of developing intense stress reactions upon watching real or realistic events on film or television. Intense fear can cause them to regress into more childlike behaviors like wetting the bed, moodieness or having nightmares.
If you suspect that you or your child is experiencing serious effects of stress it is important that you get help immediately. Otherwise the stress can hang on for year, and can develop into phobias and other psychological problems.
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When my brother first saw the movie "Forest Gump" he nearly hit the floor during the scenes about Vietnam. Not because of the film, but because of the realistic sounds of the gunfire. It had been decades since he was in Vietnam but the piercing sound of gunfire that seemed to be coming from behind the movie viewers was enough to take him back to fright-filled days at war.
In today's world of 24/7 news coverage of terrorism, war and crime, it is even possible for someone to develop PTSD by immersing themselves in videos and newscasts about an event in which they had no actual involvement. This was made clear to clinicians after 911, and again during the Virginia Tech shootings.
After the Virginia Tech shootings however the process of developing PTSD was more widely understood, and after a few days nearly all of the footage was taken off the air. For those who had already watched hours of video, and who were already at risk for PTSD, it was too late.
Children are particularly at risk of developing intense stress reactions upon watching real or realistic events on film or television. Intense fear can cause them to regress into more childlike behaviors like wetting the bed, moodieness or having nightmares.
If you suspect that you or your child is experiencing serious effects of stress it is important that you get help immediately. Otherwise the stress can hang on for year, and can develop into phobias and other psychological problems.
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Tuesday
How Can I Overcome My Anger?
Q. I have trouble controlling and expressing my anger. Are there any meditative techniques or therapies that can help me handle my aggression in a constructive fashion?
A. The solution is to become aware of the anger and its cause, and then learn ways to express your emotions calmly -- rather than lashing out at the world around you. The goal isn't to suppress your anger, but to get it out in a nonabrasive way.
We're now fairly sure that anger, either expressed violently or turned inward, impacts your health negatively. An increasing body of evidence shows that anger is a risk factor for coronary heart disease and sudden death. A six-year study at the University of North Carolina characterized the anger traits of 12,986 men and women. The results, published in the May 6, 2000 issue of "The Lancet," found that subjects with the most anger traits were two to seven times more likely to develop coronary heart disease. Some people who couldn't express their anger transformed it into physical tensions such as headaches, stomachaches, or difficulty breathing. I know one woman who would feel a painful tightness in her throat whenever she needed to express an emotion but, instead, kept it inside. Watch for these signs and try to become aware of the emotion you may be feeling.
Anger isn't always bad -- it can be useful. I've seen it mobilize healing responses, for example. One patient struggling with an autoimmune disease was able to overcome it through a complete reworking of his lifestyle and the use of various mind-body techniques. An important part of his recovery was becoming aware of -- and expressing -- his anger toward doctors and hospitals.
As you become conscious of your anger, begin to distinguish between the mildly annoying and the infuriating. With the things that anger you most, try to figure out what else you're feeling -- powerless? guilty? stupid? Once you've learned to recognize anger and identify its roots, it will be easier to express it constructively.
Psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, and spiritual counseling may be useful in dealing with anger. Exercise is also an excellent way to cope with strong emotions -- both long-term and immediately. Several studies have found that physical activities such as swimming and yoga can ease anger and tension. Even one round of exercise -- say, a run around the block -- can significantly improve the way you feel.
Incorporate meditation and relaxation techniques into your daily routine. My breathing exercise will help you bring calmness throughout your body. Do it at least twice a day, and try it every time you feel anxious or upset.
A. The solution is to become aware of the anger and its cause, and then learn ways to express your emotions calmly -- rather than lashing out at the world around you. The goal isn't to suppress your anger, but to get it out in a nonabrasive way.
We're now fairly sure that anger, either expressed violently or turned inward, impacts your health negatively. An increasing body of evidence shows that anger is a risk factor for coronary heart disease and sudden death. A six-year study at the University of North Carolina characterized the anger traits of 12,986 men and women. The results, published in the May 6, 2000 issue of "The Lancet," found that subjects with the most anger traits were two to seven times more likely to develop coronary heart disease. Some people who couldn't express their anger transformed it into physical tensions such as headaches, stomachaches, or difficulty breathing. I know one woman who would feel a painful tightness in her throat whenever she needed to express an emotion but, instead, kept it inside. Watch for these signs and try to become aware of the emotion you may be feeling.
Anger isn't always bad -- it can be useful. I've seen it mobilize healing responses, for example. One patient struggling with an autoimmune disease was able to overcome it through a complete reworking of his lifestyle and the use of various mind-body techniques. An important part of his recovery was becoming aware of -- and expressing -- his anger toward doctors and hospitals.
As you become conscious of your anger, begin to distinguish between the mildly annoying and the infuriating. With the things that anger you most, try to figure out what else you're feeling -- powerless? guilty? stupid? Once you've learned to recognize anger and identify its roots, it will be easier to express it constructively.
Psychotherapy, hypnotherapy, and spiritual counseling may be useful in dealing with anger. Exercise is also an excellent way to cope with strong emotions -- both long-term and immediately. Several studies have found that physical activities such as swimming and yoga can ease anger and tension. Even one round of exercise -- say, a run around the block -- can significantly improve the way you feel.
Incorporate meditation and relaxation techniques into your daily routine. My breathing exercise will help you bring calmness throughout your body. Do it at least twice a day, and try it every time you feel anxious or upset.
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